Times are Tough

As the economy around us seems to go from bad to worse it's important to be aware of activity that could impact you financially. Let's face it, times are tough and many people will resort to drastic measures to help themselves.

So begins my story...

I had the recent surprise of a box in the mail. I like getting stuff in the mail. Who doesn't? However, I wasn't expecting anything that would arrive in a box. Sure enough though, here it was. About the size of a shoe box it was. I opened it, and I was not surprised to actually find a shoe box inside. I wasn't expecting a bright pink shoe box, but truthfully I wasn't expecting anything, so what the heck, let's explore further. I opened the box.

Sure, because of the pink box I was expecting ladies shoes. I really didn't have more of an expectation than that. What I got was clearly not the sort of shoes that I'd chose for myself - obviously.

These were a black velvet, five inch heel pumps studded with metal spikes. They're a size 7.5(US).


Now, had I in a fit of insanity ordered these and forgot about it they were clearly not my size, nor were they the right size for Tina. It then occurred to me that maybe someone else had access to my credit card. I checked my wallet and the card was still there. Good, it's not lost. So, I called the credit card company.

After a short conversation with the customer service representative I determined that someone had been using my card for a variety of things. There were all sorts of Blackberry apps purchased (I don't own a Blackberry), there was also a subscription to Hulu, Netflix and Columbia House.

I was glad I trusted my initial instinct and called the credit card company. Although there was paper work to be filed it was minimized by me catching it early. I should also mention that I was lucky that Shoe Dazzle decided to ship to the address listed on the credit card. That was the big tip off.

A couple of days later I got a shipment from Columbia House. It was then I guessed that the person who was using my card number might be doing their Christmas shopping since they had ordered three of the same DVD. Again, it's nice to see that Columbia House ships to the address registered with the credit card.

As amusing as it was to get a pair of spiky high heel pumps in the mail there was a lesson learned here. That being that these sorts of things can happen to any of us. We're all susceptible to this sort of fraud. Friends, please keep an eye on your credit and debit card transactions. If you don't your Christmas spending might come to a quick halt when you discover your account has been emptied or your credit card maxed out. And while both scenarios are fairly easily resolved, it's not something that you want to have surprise you during your shopping trip, or when you're paying for a meal.

I guess the next thing I have to figure out is what I'm going to do with these shoes...

Something Ain't Right

People get all sorts of notions. I know I do. Spotted these banjo salt and pepper shakers and thought for sure they'd be the perfect addition to a Banjo Deviant blog. Hope you enjoy.

You're not listening.

You may think I'm being harsh; maybe I am, but I don't think you're listening. From the endless array of questions ranging from everything from picks, to how to strike a string with a finger (or a thumb), it's occurred to me that you might not be listening to what you're doing.

Let me ask some questions. Since it's music, of all the things that should be at the top of your list of priorities, shouldn't sound be part of it? How can you affect sound if you're not listening? What difference does it make how much you know about theory, or strings, or set-up, or whatever, if you're not listening to what you're playing? Why are you collecting tab after tab of tunes that are way too advanced for you? Even when you're playing through your tab collection you're still stumbling over simple concepts and even missing entire sections of the tune; yet, if you were listening shouldn't you be able to notice?

There's a very active thread on the Banjo Hangout where several members have labored long and hard to explain bounce and swing. It's been described every which way. Yet, with all the words nothing explains it better than just listening to it.

"Fine!" You say, "I'm not listening - whatever. You do things you're way, I'll do things my way."

I've encountered that attitude lately. I still contend - regardless of your particular learning style - that learning music is going to require you to listen.

I see/hear this with my students too. They get involved with the patterns and forget that they're supposed to be making music. Now, don't get me wrong, you need to focus on the mechanics, but the mechanics is not the music.

So please, just for me, take some time this week and just start listening to banjo playing. Not just that, start listening to what you are playing. Does it sound like you want? No? Make some changes, and keep listening.

I dunno, maybe you could practice?

Read the following article. Just do it.

I Suck at Photoshop...

In case it looks daunting, and uninteresting consider the following quotes.

"...what could be easier than improving at something you suck at? The bar is so low."

"Frankly, you should revel in the things you suck at. What a fantastic opportunity to grow with hardly any effort!"

How can this relate to the banjo for you? Do you suck at single-string? Maybe you suck at back-up. Whatever the issue, what's the hold up?

They got it wrong...

...and you've been listening to them anyway.

It's time to deviate from much of the standard advice you've been listening to. It's time to take a practical approach. It's time to play the banjo!

More to come!

I needed a PA for my School Program...

...and some very kind people chipped in to help me make the purchase!

Everyone who supported this deserves recognition and more thanks and more appreciation than I'm able to sufficiently express. Due to the generosity of others my school program is even more versatile now!

Thanks to the donations I was able to purchase the Fishman SoloAmp 220 that I was hoping for.

Special thanks to Karyn T., Doug D. , Bart C., Chad W., Tedd L., David M., Hobert P., Edna P., Mike L., Danny M., Patrick S., James C..

Extra Special Thanks to Butch L. for your extra special support!

Twenty Five Years

This past August 16th Tina and I celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary. There were no festivities, so please don't think your invitation may have been lost, or worse yet we decided to cut you from our list of invitees. We had a quiet day at Red Clay State Park.

Why Red Clay? It was one of our regular places to go when we were dating. It's close by, it's quiet, and it's free. It gave us plenty of opportunity just to walk and talk and get to know each other. Maybe that's the secret of a successful marriage. People often ask those of us that have been married for a while what the secret is. Maybe it's just simply getting to know one another.

So that's going to be my advice to dating couples. Get to know each other. Spend some time hiking and walking together at many of the great State and National parks. You'll save money, and you'll learn a lot about the person you're with. Keep it simple.

Recording King Madison

Way back in February Greg Rich and I started discussing the possibility of me becoming a Recording King endorsing artist. I played a few of their banjos and was seriously impressed. They were needing someone to endorse the RK-R35, so I agreed to give it a whirl.

The banjo arrived and after some setup it's a great banjo. Check it out:

I don't like to ask...

...but sometimes my heart gets me into things that my head (and wallet) can't figure out easily.

This is, however, something I really believe in.

So here's the pitch...

Over the past two years I've been working on a school presentation related to the history of the 5-string banjo.

It's a fun program and it's suitable for a social studies curriculum as well as a music curriculum. It's a flexible format, but at the max it could be about 1.5 hours. Now, I realize that time doesn't fit a lot of classroom schedules and so the material can be condensed to suit a teacher's needs.

So, why am I asking for help?

I'm a musician on a mission. I've not charged for any of my presentations, and I hope to keep the cost of doing this at a minimum - for the schools and for myself. I try to avoid too many cliches, but this is a labor of love.

Those of you that know me know I'm pretty well set for banjos - though I can already see I need to expand my collection by at least 2 instruments to cover more history visually. However, as important as that is, first I need a small PA that is easy to setup and transport.

I have a wonderful friend that will allow me to purchase the PA at a very generous discount. (You know who you are.) Never the less it's not cheap, and once I tell my friend I want it, well, I'm compelled to keep my end of the deal.

The good news: school is out! That means I'll have time to scrape up the cash before school starts back. Hopefully, I'll have paid for the system by then!

Oh, if you're wondering what I have in mind, it's the Fishman SoloAmp SA220. It packs into one bag, and will do everything I need it to for most classrooms and libraries. The retail price is over $1500, and I'm thrilled that I have means of getting it at a good discount. I'm only trying to cover a portion of the cost.

I realize times are hard and finances are tight for everyone. My situation probably isn't much different than yours. However, even without anyone chipping in it's something I'll have to purchase if I plan to continue doing these presentations - and I have no intention of giving up on this.

Finally, thanks for taking time to read my plea for help. Anything that you can chip in is going to help get the banjo's marvelous history presented in a fun and positive way to school children. How can that be not a worthwhile cause?

If you can afford it, and would like to see this sort of program feel free to use the widget below.

Oh, I get it...

I've always thought Tina was pretty.  From the moment I saw her her looks captivated me.  She had pretty eyes, pretty hair, and nice features all around.  None of that was ever lost on me.  I got it then and I get it now.  No one ever had to point it out to me.

However, there's rarely a day goes by that someone doesn't mention to me about what a pretty wife I have.  So, to all of you that noticed and mentioned it to me: Thanks.  I guess it just confirms what I already knew.  Of course people are always going to be nice.  So I've always taken those compliments with some reservation and I know she does too.  I guess we're all aware of our own shortcomings and she's no exception, though I usually scoff when she's down on her appearance.

"Do you like my hair like this?"  "Do you like the way these clothes look?"  "Do you like the way I did my make-up?"  Well, yes.  Yes I do.  I know that sometimes she thinks I'm just being nice, but seriously, I like it.  I'm not prone to exaggerations, but well, I'm biased and she knows it.

So today I was poking around online and discoverd a website that claims to do "Facial Beauty Analysis".  Gee, a program to see if you're pretty.  So I figured I'd give it a go.  Oh yeah, I plugged my face into it.  The results were not exactly wonderful, but I wasn't surprised.  I uploaded Tina's picture and followed the instructions.  The attached screenshot records my results.

I knew the outcome before I went the the steps of plotting all the dots it asked me to.  I figure a 9.54 isn't too bad, and yep, I still get it. Am I bragging?  Yes I am.  Sometimes it's deserved. Sure, I realize everyone has different tastes, but I think she's a 10.  But mostly, I'm just glad she picked me. :)

Next time when she's not happy with her looks I'll forward these results to her.



If you want to do your own, the website is here: http://apps.atamagroup.com/face/

Five Years of Pinewood Derby

If you've followed this blog you've read about the Pinewood Derby races we've done since 2007. Today marks our last official Pinewood Derby with Samuel as a Cub Scout. He crosses over to Boy Scouts in a few months, so if he has another car it will just be for fun (not that we've not had fun making and racing these cars).

Over the past five years we've learned a lot about making cars, and we've learned a lot about sportsmanship. We've helped other kids with their cars just to watch them smoke us down the track. We've sometimes felt slighted by odd glitches in the timing or scoring of races. We've often felt quite proud of ourselves when we've built a racer that not only won, but did so by a significant margin.

We've learned (and I say we, because it's not just Samuel involved; it's me too) to hold our heads high and be proud of ourselves regardless of the outcome. We've learned to congratulate others when they win, and encourage others when they don't. We've learned to help others with our knowledge, tools, and materials even if it weakens our advantage.

We've learned to make do with very limited tools and limited access to tools. We've also learned to make do with our limited skill with tools. I think we've learned that it's not always car, it's the heart that goes into it.

Even had we not learned any of that, we've become closer as a family. We've become team. We've learned to support each other and make sure we all feel proud of the accomplishments of another team member. We've learned that by doing our best - even when we don't feel like it - we give strength to those around us (the team/family), and we can look back years from now and be proud.

I'll miss these races. That said, here's a short slide show of the last five years of Pinewood Derby.

Large and Medium are the Same

I don' t work in the fast food industry. Oh, I have, but it's been years ago. I do, however, work with people and it's always proven to be in my best interest to be able to figure out what someone wants based on the information they're giving me. One example that comes to mind was having to figure out what "15 minutes of banjo noise" meant. In my day job I'm often faced with deciphering comments like, "The thing that I click doesn't let me click it". Most of the time I'm pretty good at figuring stuff out. That's me, and I'm fairly insensitive and pretty much clueless most of the time, but I manage.

Anyway, back to fast food.

Yesterday, as a treat, my wife and I stopped at the local Sonic Drive-In for a couple of Sonic Blasts. It's basically ice cream with the candy or cookie of your chosing whipped into a nice smooth treat with some whipped cream on top. It's enough calories for the rest of the weekend and enough carbs for the rest of the month, but what the heck. Right?

So, I pull up and place our regular order. "I'd like one large Butterfinger Blast and one medium M&M's Blast. That's all. Thanks." I'm not a trained professional, but I've placed that order enough times to know it by heart. It soon became obvious that I've been using the improper terminology.

Immediately the lady on the other end of the intercom informed me, "The large and the medium are the same." I look back at the menu and clearly see two different sizes, but maybe I should pursue this conversation further.

So I ask for confirmation, "They're the same? Don't you have two sizes?"

"Yes, the medium is the same as the large." She replied.

Then she tried to explain, but honestly I was mentally hung up at the large and the medium being the same.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I've placed this same order before and never realized that they were the same."

"It's always been like this." She said.

"Alrighty then. I'd like one large Butterfinger Blast and one large M&M's Blast."

Sure enough, we get the two large blasts with no hassle from that point on. But being curious I figured to look at the menu again.

Ah ha! I see my error. Maybe for the neophyte it wasn't exactly obvious to them that I was attempting to order two sizes - one larger, one smaller. Also in my defense I've grown accustomed to not using the word "small" at fast food joints based on years of experience with the varying cup sizes and no standardization from place to place. Never-the-less I thought it was pretty obvious that I wanted two different sizes. Heck, I could have said "big" and "not quite as big" or even something like "gargantuan" and "minuscule". I'd hope my point was made.

But alas, I didn't use the proper terminology. "Regular" was the word she wanted me to use, and I got the feeling she was proud of the fact that she was able to up-size me due to my ignorance.

Not sure what it all means, of if I even care. I certainly know it doesn't matter much. I did, however, learn that at my local Sonic the large and medium are the same. So, from now on you can bet I'll be ordering the medium, but please, put it in the large cup.

Are you ready to learn some old-time banjo?

I'll be teaching at Steve Kaufman's Acoustic Kamp again this year (June 13-19) and I can hardly wait! I've got ideas to share and you can have my attention all week. It only takes a moment to register.

Be sure to check out the online brochure for more detailed information.

Looking forward to seeing you there!

-=Jim

Banjo Mutes

I've never practiced with a mute. Oh sure, I own a couple, and I'll use them from time to time for a different sound or effect, but I just don't practice with one.

Now, I know you're probably saying, "But my situation requires a mute... my wife... my kids... my neighbors..." Yes, I get that. Really I do. Thing is, my life probably isn't much different. That said, I still don't use a mute to practice. Am I just a big old meany that tells my family to stuff it when I'm practicing? No. I'm considerate, but I also have practice goals, and using a mute interferes with my own personal goals.

See, for me, it's never been just about the notes. Let me reiterate: it's never been just about memorizing and playing back strings of notes. No, for me, it's always been about the whole thing - the three T's if you'll allow me to use that cliche (you know, Tone, Taste, Timing). It was never enough - even in the beginning - to be able to play a roll/tune/whatever. It had to sound right too. From day one I was concerned with tone (though listening to many older recordings I made along the way makes me wonder just what I was hearing back then). I was, then as I am now, concerned with dynamics. When I listened to my heroes on their recordings or live I could tell that while I might know every single note they played, there was more to it than just the notes. I knew it was the tone and dynamics. Practicing with a mute didn't allow me to learn that.

So, you're asking, "Jim, just when or where do you practice?" I practice when the other people around me are awake and moving around. If someone is watching a movie, or studying, I don't practice. I always have the option of going to another room if I need to. I've also been known to practice in the evenings - even when people are asleep - but it's rare, and only if I'm tucked away somewhere in the house out of direct earshot of anyone that might be disturbed.

Now, don't think I've not considered that maybe I'm lucky when it comes to practicing when I need to. However, as a kid, my parents never discouraged me from playing - ever. I was never told that I needed to be quieter, nor was I sent outside. I even remember on long road trips riding in the backseat of the car practicing my banjo. Maybe my folks were gluttons for punishment, or maybe they liked me enough to tolerate my playing. In college I practiced in my dorm room - never once did anyone complain. I got married in 1986, and I'm still married to the same - obviously patient - woman. She's never once indicated that maybe I should stop practicing. She understood from the very beginning that I'm a banjo player, and being such a thing requires a bit of effort. My son doesn't seem to mind either. Perhaps it's because he grew up around it?

Finally, you may be wondering if I'm recommending that you shouldn't use a mute? Well, no, not really; you can use one if you want. I'm just suggesting that maybe the benefits of practicing without one outweigh the reasons to use one.

2010 Awana Grand Prix

This is our third year for Awana Grand Prix at The First Baptist Church of Chatsworth. We had a great turnout and a lot of fun. We had hot dogs, chips, and all sorts of refreshments, but best of all we had a good, fair, and fun race.

We figured the competition would be tough this year, and we figured right. The cars looked good and were every bit as fast as you might have expected, and the top cars were all very fast. Each division had some close races and the kids' excitement was obvious. You know races are close when the time separating racers are measured in the ten thousandths of a second (that's .0001 if you were wondering).

Samuel won each of his races, and placed first in his division. He also had the best time overall, and also holds the track record. This makes our 3rd time to win the Grand Prix, so we're betting that next year the competition will be even tougher. We'll be ready!

2010 Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby

This is just a short note to brag a little about Samuel's win for his pack. He was overall champion.

His care this year was a very sleek, lightning fast, silver and blue speeder. We had an opportunity to run it against last year's car (which was over all champ in the pack and 5th in District). The silver sliver was noticeably faster. I think we dialed this one in just right.

The race this year was fun, and everyone had a blast. The kids and the parents enjoyed the racing and the fellowship. I got to see an old friend and that's always great.

Dads & Moms, get your boys involved in scouting. This year marks 100 years. If you're not involved you really need to be. Don't just take my word for it. Visit your local Cub Scout pack or Scout Troop and talk to the leaders, boys and their parents. For those of you with Cub Scout age boys (Kindergarten - 6th grade) Samuel and I will be looking for you at the Pinewood Derby races. :)

Tolerance for Courageous Sucking

It's been a while since I've posted anything, so today I thought I'd drag up something from the archives from over on the Banjo Lounge Blog.

I found some pretty good wisdom. There are things that you should know. You might even know these things. We're often needing to be reminded of them.

The following quotes are from "Photography, and the Tolerance for Courageous Sucking."

I accept upfront that the improvements ... will be slow, incremental, and, largely undetectable to anybody but me — a fact that’s never more painfully clear than when I swoon over the work of the more talented friends who inspire me...

...as far as I can tell, dedication to the process can’t help but make you a better photographer — or a better whatever, for that matter.

Nobody likes feeling like a noob, especially when you’re getting constant pressure on all sides to never stick out in an unflattering way. And, in this godforsaken just-add-Wikipedia era of make-believe insight and instant expertise, it’s natural to start believing you must never suck at anything or admit to knowing less than everything — even when you’re just starting out. Clarinets should never squawk, sketch lines should never be visible, and dictionaries are just big, dumb books of words for cheaters and fancy people. Right?

Good stuff, eh? Applies to so many things, including the banjo.

Go read the article at Merlin Mann's site 43 Folders. Oh, if you're offended by a "bad word" or three, then consider this your warning. Skip over those words, replace them in your mind with some other word, but read the article.

-=Jim

Playing the Banjo?

Songs? Technique? Fundamentals?

Yes... but.

I think folks get in too big of a hurry in general. Very few seem to really spend anywhere near the time they should polishing and refining even the simplest things they know. Sure, that sort of thing takes a while, but the results are worth it.

Knowing a few things, understanding why those things work, and how to take them apart and reconstruct is essential, and that's not something you learn by going from song to song to song - or roll to roll to roll.

For a clawhammer player just being able to play a bum-ditty or a basic drop thumb pattern isn't the end of the process. The same applies to a Bluegrass player; 32154215 isn't the end of that roll. You really need to know how to take those pieces apart and move things around. Memorizing patterns really doesn't get you there.

Wax on! Wax Off! Repetition is essential. Listening is essential. Take your time and have a finished product that you'll be proud of. Not only that, you'll have gained skills that you can utilize when you move to the next tune. Do that enough and you'll have skills that will help you in the jam when those tunes come up you've never heard before.

An analogy, and I'll shut up...

Imagine you have to build a step stool. What sort of tools do you need? I'd say for a beginner you could use a handsaw, a hand drill, screwdriver, and a combination square. Mind you, it won't be the most ornate step stool, but it would be recognizable as one. Furthermore if you built a couple hundred of them they'd look pretty sharp. You know, one could spend their life in pursuit of this sort of perfection right here - taking a few simple tools and becoming a master of them. Others like to try new things.

So, they buy a router. Suddenly there are a lot more options and you can do things that you just couldn't have done before. Your step stool now has nice rounded edges and the joining edges look great.

Some folks wind up building a nice wood shop with all sorts of tools: planers, joiners, table saws, band saws, and even a CNC lathe. :)

Imagine how fancy your step stool could be.

The tools, however, are only part of the equation. You need knowledge of each tool and a lot of practice.

Same goes for your banjo playing.

You have to decide. Do you want to be the guy with the huge shop? Do you want to be the master of a few tools?

It's totally up to you. Do you want to be Norm Abram or Roy Underhill? Or maybe you'd just be happy being Bob Vila doing a bathroom demolition? ;)

Spit. Polish. Repeat!

Netflix - It's a Love-Hate Thing

A little over 2½ years ago I signed up for Netflix. It was a joyous moment. I imagined all the cool movies I could have delivered right to my door. I made my queue of about 150 movies and sat by the mailbox. Today I got my 300th DVD from Netflix.

Without going back to look, I don't remember the first movie I got, but I'm sure it was great. (Okay, I went and looked. It was The Lake House). I've watched all sorts of stuff: westerns, dramas, documentaries, comedies, concerts, and all sorts of other things - things I'd probably not have bothered renting from a regular movie rental place. It was just so easy to click the "Add" button and have the DVD added to my queue. The things I wanted right now I moved to the top. The things that didn't matter I let sit quietly in the queue until they showed up in my mail box.

The joy didn't last long though. Oh, it wasn't Netflix's fault - not directly. Sure, I think that since they're sending out the DVDs they may be responsible, and I'll go into how they deal with their end of the problem later. The problem - scratched and broken DVDs. Broken ones are really rare, and I blame the USPS for that stuff. I expected a broken one from time to time based on my experience with the USPS. However, the scratched ones are my main gripe.

Just what the heck are the other Netflix users doing with these DVDs? Some of them look as if they've been used as an air-hockey puck at the local poolhall & gameroom. Seriously, how does this happen? Do they drop them and the scuff them across the floor when trying to pick them up? Do they put sandpaper skids in the tray of their DVD players? Are the other Netflix users using them for dinnerware? I don't get it. Do people really just abuse these discs because they think it doesn't matter? None of my personal DVDs have scratches, why do these?

Message to other Netflix users: Stop screwing up my DVDs before I get to watch them!

It's very irritating to be a 3rd of the way through a show to have everything freeze up or skip. At that point I usually remind myself that I should have probably made sure it was clean beforehand. So now I go through the process of ejecting the movie, cleaning the disc, starting the movie again and trying to get back to where it got stuck or jerky; all the while hoping that it will work this time.

Most of the time I can get the DVD to work. Sometimes I have to skip forward a bit to get to a working section of the movie. That's anonther aggravation, because I paid to watch the whole thing; if I wanted to miss parts of a movie I could have gone to the theater and got up to go to the restroom or get more popcorn just as the "best part" comes on.

So that's the "hate" part of the relationship. Sure, like any sort of endeavor there are bad parts. All in all, that's probably the worst of it, and Netflix is pretty nice about resolving the problem. You just log in, tell them the movie doesn't work and they'll send you a new one out. Of course you lose that day, but at least they don't make you send the defective one back before they send out a (hopefully) working copy.

Netflix is a great idea. In a perfect world it's a perfect solution to getting the movies I want to see. In a not-so-perfect world, it's a not-so-perfect solution, but I'm happy and I've saved a little money. I've also watch a lot more DVDs; I've considered turning off cable because of it too.

Well... that's probably enough of a commercial for Netflix. I'm not one to rant or rave about much, but did want to share.

Wrong Number

The following is an all day conversation that took place between myself and a stranger that sent me a text message. I'm not quite sure where this went wrong, but for whatever reason, my initial attempts to tell the "texter" that he had the wrong number didn't go as planned.

I imported the conversation from my phone and converted it to a format that I can use here, but the spelling or lack of spelling is all original. I couldn't make this up if I tried. :) I made one or two minor edits and I changed the names, but nothing that changes the dialog.

I'm getting in the car for lunch, it's 1:25pm on Friday, and I get the following text.

Him -- 1:25pm - Was up this is Shane do u wont 2b buddey if so text back if not dont but dont tell diane please.

I should probably translate that, but I think you can figure it out. I did.

Anyway, I ignored it. Figured if I didn't respond back he'd get the idea, and check his number. I was wrong. Almost an hour later I get another message.

Him -- 2:17pm - U dont wont 2be frands

Frands? Yes, I live in the South. I responded:

Me -- 02:18pm -no

I hoped that would do it. The next message I got gave me hope that it was over.

Him -- 02:19pm - Cool

I was wrong. In a few minutes I got the following:

Him -- 02:31pm - Do u wont me 2 lose ur number

To which I responded

Me -- 02:32pm - Since i have no idea who you are, yes.

The next round of text took an interesting turn.

Him -- 02:50pm - U going 2 tell on me

Me -- 02:53pm - Why would i? I don't know you.

Him -- 03:35pm - U can get 2 know me by text me

Me -- 03:36pm - Rather not

Him -- 03:50pm - Dam y not your somking ass hot we would be frands i have a sweet boat i go 2 the lake all the time iam not a bad person iam realy cool

Now, I'm a nice looking guy (my mom says so). But "somking ass hot" has, as far as I know, never been used to describe me. When I showed this to some friends and to Tina they all laughed. So much for my ego. Anyway, on with the story...

When he mentioned the boat, I was reminded of an old joke so I responded

Me -- 04:00pm - Send pic of boat

He sent me a picture of the boat!

Him -- 04:04pm - dont seen 2 her

I can only assume he doesn't want me to send it to Diane. He's apparently worried.

Him -- 04:28pm - So u going 2 black male me with my pic lets see your pic

Him -- 04:42pm - Did u not like pic

Me -- 04:44pm - nice boat.

Now here's the segue into him asking me out. I say me, but I'm guessing he really doesn't know it's me... unless he does, which I'm hoping he didn't, but you never know. Anyway, I figure, he had his chance to terminate our "relationship," but since he didn't I figured I could play along a little.

Him -- 04:45pm - I here u leav close 2 the lake

Me -- 05:17pm - Close enough

Him -- 05:29pm - Yal iam go 2mor

Me -- 05:31pm - What time

Him -- 05:41pm - If the kids r mean and u need more money let me know u like fishing

Me -- 05:44pm - More into tubing or swimming, but fishing is ok too

Him -- 05:45pm - Litt cold 4 that unles ur crazy

Me -- 05:54pm - Been known to be crazy

Him -- 06:02pm - So r u telling me u wont 2 go

At this point I figure it's a good idea to bring up Diane again.

Me -- 06:04pm - Don't you think she'll be mad?
Him -- 06:30pm - Yal but its all good i like 2 have fun u in

Now he wants a picture of me. Since he thinks he knows who he's texting, I resist. No reason to end this ride so quick. I've been at this since lunch.

Him -- 06:40pm - Seen a pic
Me -- 06:41pm - Why
Him -- 06:44pm - Y not just 1

I thought since I didn't send him a picture he had given up. Wrong... again.

Here's the next round.

Him -- 07:55pm - Yal u wont 2 go
Me -- 08:02pm - Not this time
Him -- 08:17pm - Scaird
Me -- 08:18pm - Not even. Is diane going? [Seemed like a fair question to me]
Him -- 08:20pm - Hell no just me
Me -- 08:21pm - i'll go if she goes
Him -- 08:26pm - Hell no
Me -- 08:27pm - I thought you liked to have fun [He did say that, didn't he?]
Him -- 08:34pm - Fun yes stuped no were the pic [Could have fooled me]

Again I refuse to send him a picture.

Me -- 08:37pm - No pic for you. Maybe Diane Will send you one. why don't you send me one
Him -- 08:54pm - Y u wont my pic 0
Me -- 8:54pm - Just do

A minute later he's sent me his picture. I've debated posting it, but probably shouldn't. I've been amused at his stupidity, but the last thing I want to do is set him up for even more difficulty with Diane if anyone recognizes him.

I figure he's thinking he's got a date lined up. He asks me again if I'm going fishing with him. I've played with him long enough, it's time to cut him loose.

Him -- 09:38pm - Ur going ri ght
Me -- 09:39pm - i don't think so. I'm probably not your type
Him -- 09:44pm - Y
Me -- 09:46pm - Too old for you
Him -- 09:50pm - What
Me -- 09:53pm - remember today when i said i didn't know you? I was serious. I'm obviously not who you think i am.
Him -- 10:05pm - What i dont get it

Holy Moly, what's it take to get through to him? He's as sharp as a bag of wet mice. So I ask:

Me -- 10:06pm - Who do you think i am?
Him -- 10:10pm - Just tel me
Me -- 10:14pm - Just someone twice your age. I told you several times that i didn't know you. You obviously didn't believe me. Maybe you do now
Him -- 10:15pm - Who r u
Me -- 10:18pm - no one you know. I have no idea who you are. Why not just delete this number and try another one. Maybe you'll get the right one next time

I guess that wasn't clear enough. The saga continues.

Him -- 10:20pm - U know diane so who r u
Me -- 10:23pm - you're the one that mentioned her. I have on clue who she is
Him -- 10:42pm - I look at all my text i did not say her name so who is this
Me -- 10:45pm - It was in the first message you sent.

How hard is this stuff? Really, it's just text messaging.

The final round.

Him -- 10:47pm - Y your number in her phone
Me -- 10:50pm - I have no clue. But you've got the wrong number
Him -- 10:51pm - Sweet

The 10:47 message brings up a couple other questions I'd like to ask him, but I leave it.

The next thing I did was take the few things I knew about him based on the conversation and do a Google search. I got a hit right off. I found Diane's Myspace page, and a link back to Shane's Myspace page. It was him. The pictures proved it out. He was 23, married to Diane and has 3 kids. Yet he figures to have himself a little extra-curricular activity with a number he found in his wife's phone. Idiot.

Message to Shane

You're 23. You're young. Don't screw this up. You've got a pretty wife that loves you (she says so on her Myspace page). You have three little kids. You can throw all that away and wind up paying child support for the next 18 years. You have something that many people can only dream about.

Finally, if you're still compelled to cheat on your wife, don't get a number from her phone! Sheesh!!!

-=Jim